What to do when you've found yourself with a whole fish.

Somehow you bought a whole fish; not gutted, not filleted, just whole. But dead.

Here's what to do with a non-oily fish (no mackeral, no salmon, blah blah blah):

1 whole tilapia (or white-fleshed fish such as flounder, cod, tilapia)(this one was about 1.5 lbs)
pepper
salt
flour
high quality olive oil, preferably extra virgin (or as we connoisseurs call it "EVOO")
fresh lemons
butter

Make sure the fish is gutted and everything, because fish guts taste no good. And yuck.
Okay, so , chop off the head. With a butcher knife. Just chop the whole fucking head off and look into it's eyes staring back at you blankly. Stare for a minute or so.
Okay, with the staring contest officially over:

After the head is off, clean the fish, get all the blood and brains and whatever is left over of the stump where the head was.

Take a plastic bag and put in about 1/2 cup of flour, some salt, some pepper, to taste, whatever. I don't measure ever

Meanwhile take a nice skillet and heat up about 1/4 cup of olive oil and some butter. Like I said, I don't measure, so whatever it appealing to the eye.

Don't put it on super hot - butter burns - but the olive oil will keep the butter from burning (that is not good!), so have it maybe on medium to med-high.

Take the ENTIRE fish and throw it into the bag of flour-mixture. shake it around real good. if there is someone near you that you don't like, whack 'em in the head with the fish. It's good fun.

So now that the fish is all covered in flour (make sure it gets in every crevice and stuff), throw the fucker in the pan with the oil and butter.

Fry it on each side for like 5 minutes or something. Maybe 8. Whatever - get it nice and brown on both sides.

Then when it's brown and stuff, take the lemon and cut it in half and squeeze the hell out of each piece of lemon to get all the juice out of it into the pan with the fish. Make sure it gets on both sides. So, then, turn the fish over and stuff.

Turn the heat up really high for a minute so the lemon juice evaporates a bit.

Put a lid on that thing. Set your heat to low (SIMMER!) and let it do it's thing for about 5-8 minutes.
You do NOT want to overcook.


When the fish is all cooked*.... EAT IT.

There will be bones so don't eat those.



*By cooked, I do not mean one solid rock-hard dead fish. It should flake easily but not be dry. If it's dry you overcooked and you must go buy another whole fish and re-gut.