The Drink I Call the Perfect Purgatory

While tending bar tonight, I concocted a new type of "martini" - i.e. the fancy pseudo-rich-bitch drinks that are all the rage these days in the U.S.of.A. It's a gin-based drink, therefore gin-haters beware. However, one customer who stated with conviction that they absolutely hate gin took a liking to this, so we'll see how it goes.

I kind of wanted to merge the mint flavors of a Mojito with a ...well, a gin "pine-needles" bite.

For reference, a Mojito is a lovely cocktail make with muddled limes, loads of mint, white rum cane sugar, and a splash of soda (what we call here in the states "Sprite" or "7-Up" but you can use plain old soda water).

Utensils you'll need:

1 (one) martini shaker
Lots of ice (couple of scoops, or enough to fill the shaker)
A thick, solid pint glass that can take a beating and muddling and shaking and more abuse
A strainer
A mudder


For the actual interesting part, and consumable part of this Pugateous drink (I just made up that word, feel free to punch me) you will need (for one person)


1 (one) lime
GOOD gin - say, Tanqueray or Beefeater - i.e. London Dry gin
Cherry liqueur (such as DeKuyper Cheri Beri Pucker)
Grapefruit juice, preferably fresh-squeezed (go buy a damn grapefruit - anything from concentrate is utter crap)
A good big sprig of fresh MINT... plus another sprig for garnish if you want to get all fancy.


In order to make this great refreshing beverage for Adults:


Take your lime (maybe it's organic! go you!) and cut it into good-sized half-moon slices. Get rid of the ends; you don't want those.
Next, put a few (as in 3 to 4) of those slices in the bottom of your abuse-worthy-willing-and-waiting GLASS pint glass.
Take the mint. Tear it up a bit, and throw that green lovely stuff on top of the lime.
Drop on top of that about 5 chunks of ice.
Take your muddler, and beat the crap out of the ice and lime and mint, until it's all pulp and juice and mint shreds and ice chunks. This is the fun part.
Take the rest of the ice, and fill up your glass with it.
Grab the gin, pop off the lid (or if you are really into this, you'll have a bottle pourer on it), turn it upside-down over the glass of ice and crushed mint and lime-death, and count ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
This should fill up the glass nicely to about 1/3 of the way up.

Take the cherry liqueur. Turn this bottle upside down over the glass of gin-lime-ice. Count ONE! TW--! And STOP. You do NOT need much. But not too little.

Then... grapefruit. Yes, I know. Grapefruit. Sounds kind nasty, but it makes the drink. Fill up the rest of your glass to about 1" from the top with grapefruit juice.


Grab your shaker. Pop it on top of the glass (they should meld together nicely!) And shake-ah-shake-ah-shake-ah-shake-ah x 10 or so. The metal shaker should be freezing cold, and your hands will burn. This is perfect.

Now here is the tricky part. You have to get the pint glass and the metal shaker apart from each other. But oh no, they don't want to be apart. However, it must be.

There is a trick.

Lightly tap the shaker and glass, right where they meet, on the edge of a countertop or table or something with an edge (your head if you're lucky). They should pop apart.

Pour your drink into the metal shaker, take the strainer, pop that on top of the shaker, and pour this into a martini glass.
Or cup.
Or plastic cup.
Whatever is usable for drinking.

You should have a drink that is slightly pinkish-red with not too much mint floating about. Some lime seeds are okay, just don't chew them.

Garnish with mint spring... and sip it slowly.